last night was bad.
like seriously.wasnt in a good mood and all.
went online and talked to a few people.
smth happened tht got me in a really bad mood.
but i finally cleared things up with him yday.
the other one tht is.
it kinda hurt to knw i was never anyone special
even though i already knew deep in my heart wht e answer wld be.
i guess this way is how i like it
but at e same time i cant help but feel sad
cos i always thought we had smth special going on.
i thought wrong.
it just felt really bad and i woke up this morning feeling totally numb inside.
i can't seem to feel any emotion anymore.
my whole mind's just one big blank.
im still hoping we can keep what we had.
but i'll always have a special place in my heart for him.
maybe its just smth tht grew on me throughout this whole year.

at least now my mind's clearer.
and i know i can move on without a part of me holding back.

ok this entry prob doesnt make sense to those who dunno me.
seriously if u dun undstnd wads going on here
please dun ask.
i have no wish to go into details anyway.

i need my comfort.
many many hugs are needed right now.
i just feel so empty.
its scaring me to see myself become this shell of a person
sometimes it seems as though im standing on e outside
watching myself smile and laugh
when inside i just feel like im dying away.
i have no idea why i became like this either.
what happened last night shldve hurt real bad
it didnt hurt tht bad to be honest.
these past few mtnhs..have just left me so empty inside
at least as im typing these i can squeeze some tears out aye.
somehow i thought i wldve forgotten how to cry..

if only everyday of my life could be spent with my old friends.
maybe this emptiness might start to feel up again because e more time i spend w dem
the more i feel it filling up
but thts only temporary..

i think im forgetting how to love people already..
my heart's just becoming so cold.its scaring me..
i don't want this to happen
but i don't exactly knw how to fight it either
i can only pray im feeling all this now cos its tht time of e mnth.
oh God pls let it be tht reason..
i cant bear for myself to feel this way.

ok dang this entry is getting depressing.
ignore my emotional rollercoaster please.

i just need hugs aplenty..

and tht place i used to know
tht was once filled with so much warmth and sunshine
seems to have turned into a dark cave
where only shards of ice remain
piercing my very soul

went down to ps today!
met jes there.huis was VERY LATE.
ayes while walking to the top
i saw so many things tht brought back a flood of memories.
i guess ps is kinda a special place now aye (:
met jes!
we got selected to be the two lucky people who won some silly prize.
supposedly we'll get our food real cheap at esplanade's classy restaurant.
haha oh wells. i wantd the prize. jes figures we got conned :(
caught monster in law tdy with jes and huis.
twas a great show.
totally hilarious mann. esp e mother in law.
lol ruby charlie and e mum kept me in fits of laughter at all times.
and it was totally sweet as well (:
there was this scene beteween j lo and tht lead actor.

give me one reason why i should agree to date you.
because im special.
you are? then tell me, whats e color of my eyes?
( j lo turns around )
at first sight, they're brown. but when you take a closer look,
they're amber. then you'll realize there's a rim of honey in them.
and when you look into the sunlight, they're almost green.
thts my favourite color.

i practically melted at tht part.
its just so super sweet! ((:
aye if only i could find a guy like tht.i'll marry him straight away! :D

cuddled close to jes and huis during the show.
aye it felt so warm and nice being with those two sillys (:
stayed awhile after the show in the cinema taking pics
and jes THREW my heels all e way to e frn of e cinema!
lol was qt funny really cos everyone was staring at us
and there we were screaming away and laughing helplessly.
cldnt really be botherd to retreive my shoes cos we were taking pics
so i just left them there til e end.haha silly jes!
went to e toilet
and STAYED in there happily posing away.
lol pics are with huis shall get them up soon (:

char called and she came dwn to meet us for awhile.
went to e arcade where we played datona!
jes won :( which was a surprise since she was dead last.
haha i got 2nd! lousy huis got last :D
expectd since shes always so slow anw.haha.
then huis and i played some shooting game.
huis sucks at it seriously.lol even i trashed her like mad
and tht was only e second time i played.
then jes played with me and i ended up getting trashed by her :(
jes just rocks at arcade games la.haha.char was too classy to play :P

took pics with the girls outside the arcade after.
nice nice (:
and huis just cant look sexy.lol.
sucha failure at it. she was trying so hard much to our amusement :D
and char claims jes and i lookd like total sluts in tht pic we took.
yea yea alright sluts bitches bimboes. call us all tht then.
doesnt matter cos we love us for us :D

went with char to kbox after tht to meet him.
sigh i really hope those two work it out and get back tgth.
it hurts to see her hurting like tht too.

then jes and huis came to my hse for dinner
and we slacked ard somemore.
showd them his pic (:

ayee tdy was great.
its all i need in my life really (:

all i need in this life of sin is me and my girlfrens